choke poem

morbid sensibilities fueled by antagonistic desires hideous self-righteousness perfectionism the deep chill of fearful doubt that you are able or willing to love me the way i want to be loved or even the way i need pleading like a dumbass jealousy and insecurity braided into my esophagus i can't fucking breathe this isn't living this is running like a wild animal this is running the way a wild animal runs when it is running for its life this is the way a fish flops on the pier drowning in the immensity of the  wrong oxygen circles of light circles of smoke how not to put the light out how not to choke?